First choice

I lay in bed all day. I cannot eat. I cannot watch TV. I avoid social media at all costs. It is May 7, 2016. The day he is getting married. I don't love him but my heart aches with a pain I cannot understand. I imagine the venue, the people, his suit, her dress. … Continue reading First choice


How to be confident when you are an orange in a barrel of apples

Over the next few days/weeks, I will be posting blog posts from my old blog. A part of me wants to remember the girl before the illness, before the diagnosis. This particular piece is from June 16, 2015.   I am sitting on a hard mattress in a cottage in sunny California. It's the last … Continue reading How to be confident when you are an orange in a barrel of apples


I was sitting in my therapist's office, explaining to him why I push. I'm an advocate. I told him, as if that explained everything. And advocates are results-oriented. He responded. Yes!! Absolutely!!! I want to know that what I do has an effect. He smiled at me. But results aren't in your control. That's God's … Continue reading Mistakes


So I've been working in nonprofit for 13 years but I really didn't start getting professionally challenged until I started working at my first Center for Independent Living. I had a boss that I both loved and she also drove me a little crazy. She was deeply in love with Jesus and knew that I … Continue reading Grace.


I've been praying heavily for a miracle, just anything to bring reconciliation between the church I got kicked out of and myself. When I was in the hospital, I had to share my story over and over. Doctors. Nurses. The chaplain. I waited for everyone to tell me what my sin was. How much I … Continue reading Different.