I've been praying heavily for a miracle, just anything to bring reconciliation between the church I got kicked out of and myself. When I was in the hospital, I had to share my story over and over. Doctors. Nurses. The chaplain. I waited for everyone to tell me what my sin was. How much I … Continue reading Different.
About a month ago, I made a decision to shave my head. It had been a slow progression towards this decision. A few weeks before I went into the hospital, I had my hair shaved into a a long mohawk. I had hair down past my shoulders. I spent every other day blowing it out. … Continue reading Beautiful.
You know what I rarely talk about? My sin. The things I've done in my past. I think it's because I'm scared of being judged. Here's go nothing. I'm a homewrecker. No, I've never tried to steal a woman's husband but I have absolutely tried to steal a girl's boyfriend. I've done this exactly twice … Continue reading I walk down a different street.
It's no secret I have schizophrenia. I'm not shy about talking about it. Somehow, I think the more I talk about it, the less stigma there is. What I don't talk about very often is getting kicked out of a church. You see, in my psychosis, I had this belief that I was going to … Continue reading Emily and the Gospel of Reconciliation
I'm going through Ephesians with my community group. For the bible enthusiast, Ephesians is the book on marriage. For a few years, marriage was my biggest obsession. It was all I thought of, all I wanted. Every guy I was attracted to held the potential for marriage. I dated obsessively and every rejection felt like … Continue reading Marriage.
Many of my readers know me personally. Many do not. For those of you who know me, you would probably describe me as someone who does a lot of stuff. You would be correct. I'm one of those people that does a lot of different activities but never really finishes anything. Towards the end of … Continue reading Hustle.
My friend and I decided that we wanted to see the glory of God more often. So we did what any red-blooded Christian does: we prayed. We saw nothing. We experienced nothing. We didn't know what was wrong. Like I said earlier, I've been reading through the Psalms. Today, I stumbled across Psalm 19. The … Continue reading Wait.
I've been going through the Psalms, in no particular order, and today, I rested on Psalm 8. O LORD, our Lord,how majestic is your name in all the earth!You have set your glory above the heavens.Out of the mouth of babies and infants,you have established strength because of your foes,to still the enemy and the … Continue reading Psalm 8
I called one of my best friends around 9:45 pm last night. Sobbing. My heart hurt so bad that prayer wasn't enough. I knew I needed a friend to speak truth into my life. She listened to my laments quietly before responding. "Jesus has got to be enough. He has to be." She was right. … Continue reading Enough.
Sometimes, I wish I were different. I wish I were taller and thinner. I wish I had shinier hair and was more organized. I collect all the pieces I want to be and try to be them. When I first got treatment for schizophrenia, I thought I could be whoever I wanted to be. I … Continue reading Grace and other words
We were driving to my house late one night. I could feel the dull ache of my heart as Alex talked about working overseas. It was a feeling I was familiar with. At some point, I had just gotten used to it. But when I volunteered, it would fill up. For that brief amount of … Continue reading A God-shaped hole
So I'm still waiting on finding out if I have breast cancer or not but in the meantime, it's been interesting to see what things have come up for me. Of all my biggest regrets, it's been my dating life. I've had one relationship that lasted eight months but the rest have been a series … Continue reading The First Kiss