The year I tried to #LiveBoldly

I’ve always been borderline introvert but in January 2010, I made a New Year’s Resolution to #LiveBoldly.

Before it was cool. Very hipster.

At 20, I was quite the wallflower so I decided that living boldly meant putting myself out there. Just start saying yes to whatever came my way.

That year was a blast. I went on road trips, attended parties, had lunches with new friends and even dominated a poker game among strangers. If not for that year, I would have never ended up in a kitchen in Ireland, learning what it means to be bold for the Gospel.

This was my boldness, thriving in a new environment. I began the long process of what it meant to build community as a young adult. Any time something new came my way, I asked myself “what would bold do” and then I did that.

Looking back, I see someone very entitled trying to have an acceptable life. This was long before Instagram was a thing and I was rarely on Facebook at the time.

I wanted the life I thought I was meant to have. I finally had this freedom to live an abundant life and I thought by living boldly, I would accomplish that.

But abundance looks very different when you’re truly #livingboldly.

It looks like sobbing into your bible while dropping everything at God’s feet.

Bold is Christ asking God “Why have you forsaken me” on the cross.

Bold looks like a married couple buying me groceries when I didn’t have food to eat.

Living with abundance means giving financially even when you’re scared of losing your means.

I’ve experienced true boldness when I am at my weakest. It’s in those moments that I throw my hands in the air and tell God exactly what I’m feeling and what I want.

My prayer  life has been marked by a lot of cursing, angst and screaming. (Side note: I have no idea how people do their quiet times in coffee shops. I am usually a mess by the end.)

There’s few things bolder than telling the Creator of the Universe how you really feel.

Living abundantly means trusting God when you have nothing left to offer. And then watch Him fill your bucket with hope.

The year I #LivedBoldly led me to the life I’m living now. It wasn’t wasted. I would probably not be working where I work now if not for that year. At 20, the boldest thing for me to do was say yes to trivial things so that I could say yes to the bigger things down the road. Like the job interview that brought me here. My understanding of living boldly has grown up and matured as I’ve sought Christ.

Saying yes to God in the face of darkness has led me to this abundant, hard, beautiful life. I don’t question if I’m #LivingBoldly anymore.

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