I’m going through Ephesians with my community group. For the bible enthusiast, Ephesians is the book on marriage.
For a few years, marriage was my biggest obsession. It was all I thought of, all I wanted. Every guy I was attracted to held the potential for marriage. I dated obsessively and every rejection felt like the end of the world.
But something changed about 4 months ago.
I developed feelings for someone.
I wasn’t obsessive or pushy. I didn’t fantasize about marrying him. I didn’t change my personality or try to impress him. I was just myself. I rested in God and let everything run its course.
My friends said that I was different this time. They were hopeful things would work out.
And of course, it didn’t. It’s life.
Somewhere along the way, this idol I had about marriage was gone.
A friend of mine lost her mother a few years ago. She and I had walked through various boys and marriage obsessions. While she was grieving her loss, she understandably yearned for her husband. It was during this time that she realized that Jesus needed to be enough. And He was.
Her husband came a month later.
I heard this story and questioned whether or not I would ever get there.
Because everyone mentions how resilient I am. (Side note: Expect people to say that when you have a disability ALL THE TIME.) But the reality is that while I have barreled through hard times, I have cried out for a husband. I have told God how much better my life would be with a husband. I have never been satisfied.
I’m actually going through tough times right now financially. God has been super awesome in providing me with a service dog but the dog needs more training than what I can provide. It looks like there might be a light at the end of the tunnel but until then, I’m raising (and failing at it) money for the dog’s training.
In the midst of that, I got hit with some financial blows. In the past, I would have screamed at God and yearned for a husband for help.
Not this time. No, this time I know God will provide. I have no idea how but He will. And for the first time, I’m not looking for a relationship to solve my problems.
If God gives me a husband, that’s His glory. And if He never does, that’s His wisdom.
I was listening to my single friends obsess over marriage and say all the things I have said to myself for the last four years. And I realized… I’m not saying those things anymore.
Oh dang, I’m finally here. I’ve arrived. I’m free.
I don’t need to get married to be happy or complete. Jesus is enough.
Thank God. Literally.
In case you’re interested, I am semi-desperately raising money for this amazing dog. If you would like to help, you have two opportunities:
You can donate here:
An awesome friend of mine designed a t-shirt: