Dancing

So I couldn’t get out of bed yesterday.

I wasn’t depressed. I was overwhelmed with so much joy that I couldn’t contain it all.

I had spent the day before dancing in public. Dancing at the office. Dancing in the checkout line at the movie theater.

Today, I want to run. My legs literally hurt with anticipation of running towards whatever it is the Holy Spirit is trying to tell me.

I’m remembering 2015. I’m remembering what it was like the last week I was in Tucson. I had no idea what would happen. I could not have forseen getting fired, getting evicted, packing up all my belongings and moving to Phoenix in 3 days.

To be fair, I received the phone call that I would be evicted on Thursday. I was sitting in a library after getting out of work. My legs had been in pain for days from wanting to run so bad. I had known for about two weeks prior that the season of life I was in was ending. If you read my now defunct blog, Of Cats, Coffee and Gratitude, you know I had spent 3 months underemployed and desperate for work. The Sunday before my life changed forever I did two things:

  • I emailed a girl I had hurt deeply and asked her if she would meet with me so I could apologize.
  • I told God I would do whatever He wanted. My life was His, not mine.

By Thursday, I was evicted.

By Friday, I was fired.

I remember sitting in the parking lot after I got fired, feeling like I had been thrown out of a whale.

Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” – Nehemiah 8:10

That is what I heard. So I made my way in tears to Eegee’s, God’s gift to Tucson.

I sat in my apartment, sobbing as I ate a turkey sub, God telling me how good, how wonderfully good everything was, when I received a phone call from the girl I had hurt. I told her through tears what had happened.

I’ll never forget her walking up to my front door to embrace me.

I know you want to stay in Tucson but I think Tucson is throwing you up. 

I confessed to her that God had told me months earlier to move to Phoenix and I was adamant against it. And as the months passed, I would hear several times that I was supposed to move to Phoenix. I would refuse or ignore it every time.

It was not until I fully surrendered to God that He gave me no other option but to move to Phoenix.

I remember I slept for days at my friend’s house in the aftermath of such a traumatic move.

Physiologically, I am experiencing everything I felt at that time. I just want to sleep until it passes.

Truthfully, this is how the Holy Spirit works through me. It runs through my body. Everything feels like a fog right up until the minute something is fulfilled. It usually doesn’t make sense until afterwards.

I’m curious as to how other people experience the Holy Spirit. Some people feel really alive. Others hear a voice. I apparently want to run and jump and dance and cry all at once.

Knowing what I know about how God works in my life, I’ll understand what’s going on in a few days but until then, I’ll be dancing with joy in the corner.

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