Someone told me once when I first diagnosed to not always believe everything my brain is telling me. It was probably one of the wisest pieces of advice I had received,
I got into a discussion earlier this week over the topic of signs from God.
I’m not a fan of this concept. Truthfully, I know from scripture that God uses signs to point us to Him. The issue isn’t signs from God. The issue is us.
We make a mess of signs. We misinterpret and then when things don’t go our way, we get confused. We get angry with God.
I lived in Tucson for 14 years. I had this big shot job that was wearing me thin.
I remember what I was doing when I felt the Holy Spirit leading me to quit my job. That I was on board with. It was time to leave.
It was immediately what I heard after I agreed to quit my job that I dismissed as false.
Move to Phoenix.
Why did I dismiss this thought? Let me list the reasons:
- I would have to break my lease.
- I didn’t know where I would live. (At that thought, a friend in Phoenix crossed my mind. I dismissed it as impossible to stay with her.)
- I didn’t know where I would work. (At that thought, my current workplace crossed my mind. I shook my head in disbelief.)
And then there were the signs.
- I got two jobs after I quit my former job.
- When I couldn’t afford my rent, my community group pooled money so I could stay in my home.
- I kept getting interviews for better jobs.
- I was attending an amazing church that I loved.
- I was growing where I was planted.
But every so often, I would hear move to Phoenix. Sometimes, I would just hear the word Phoenix, this nagging whisper that never quite left me.
I had a few friends who suggested that I move to Phoenix. Actually, I had a complete stranger tell me that she believed my future was in Phoenix.
At no point did I tell anyone that I believed God was asking me to move to Phoenix. When I heard from that complete stranger that I needed to move to Phoenix, I sobbed angry tears and screamed no at her.
I don’t know why I was so against moving here. I just wanted to stay in Tucson.
It was around this time that I read 1 Kings 19: 11-13.
The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.
God is in the whisper. We want a big, loud voice that tells us where to go or what to but He is in the whispers.
The day I got both fired and evicted, a friend came over to comfort me. I had posted on Facebook that I needed a place to stay and the only person that responded was the friend that had crossed my mind months earlier.
But I couldn’t move to Phoenix. I just couldn’t.
My friend sat across from me on my living room floor, as I explained to her that I had been hearing from God for months that He wanted me in Phoenix.
I think you have to go.
So I packed my home up through tears and made the drive to Phoenix. To this wonderful, beautiful life.
I know I said I was overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit last week. I was waiting for God to destroy whatever needed to be torn down in order that I might receive His goodness. And He did.
He broke my heart. I got my heart broken.
I’m okay. Thanks for asking.
The glorifying thing about it all is that I’m not as upset as I could have been. Because I know God’s character. I know He only destroys things to replace them with something better.
Because I’ve heard God whisper the same name over and over for months. Because my friends are encouraging me to do something about it.
Now if I only I could muster a hello, maybe we’d get somewhere.