Next steps

I had $7 in my pocket. That’s it. And I needed that money to get to work.

I reflected on the past six months. I thought of my disobedience in not moving to Phoenix. I thought about how God had provided just enough food and shelter until the moment I was ready to leave.

I thought about the two interviews I went through to get here. My life had drastically changed and I was excited but scared. I had sobbed my way through packing to move here. I was leaving behind the security of my home, Tucson, into this new city.

What if everything fell apart? What if I failed?

These things were running through my mind as I drove to my new job. A job that, for almost three years, would bless my life significantly. I would write for a magazine, laugh until I cried, act in a play, make friends with wonderful humans and feel safe and wanted.

I never wanted to leave.

Until something happened that meant that I would have to.

***

Faith is an interesting thing. You think you have it until you’re faced with an impossible decision.

A few years ago, I read the book Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot. She makes a point of sharing stories of couples that earnestly sought wisdom from God concerning who they should be with. I found that very interesting. I can be distracted easily. This blog itself is riddled with different stories of the men I have cared for. I must seem flighty or confused at the least.

But I wondered what it would be like, to earnestly pray for wisdom about the spouse you should be with. Honestly, I struggle to believe that God cares enough to chime in with His opinion.

Regardless, I started praying. I started asking God who, (or if) He wants someone for me. Give me your wisdom to recognize a good man when I see him.  You can’t ask God for wisdom and expect nothing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.  For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;  he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. –James 1: 5-8

This radical (for me anyway) faith has spilled over into what I do next. Where will I work? What will I be doing?

Where are we going next, God?

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