A Wedding

white house with closed doors

It was the day of my wedding. Myself and the other bridesmaids chatted like it was a lazy Sunday afternoon. I was taking in the day.

I walked out to the courtyard where the staff were setting up rows of chairs. People were starting to fill the seats. My heart leap and tears welled in my eyes as I watched the people who had been in different chapters of my life make their way in. They were here to celebrate us. Every hurt feeling and misunderstood intentions had been forgiven.

I never thought they’d be here. I started to cry.

My friend motioned to me. I still wasn’t dressed. I followed her back towards the room.

Once dressed, I felt my heart mix with excitement and anxiety. I was marrying him, wasn’t I? I started to run towards his room, the groomsmen clad in tan suits.

photo of bride and groomhugging

The bridesmaids tried to pull me away. I wasn’t allowed to see him yet.

But I saw the back of his head and I knew I had won.

I woke up.

***

I used to think that we could never earn any blessing from God and spoiler alert: it’s true. We are incapable of earning anything from God.

However,

Without faith, it is impossible to please God.

The inner argument started about 8 months ago, when I was telling a friend that I felt like God was saying that I would not see marriage until I sought the Lord with my whole heart.

woman preparing christmas table

She retorted by saying that marriage was a gift and I didn’t have the capacity to earn it from God.

And she was right. She just wasn’t listening.

***

A few years ago, I did a study through Isaiah. Of all the things that I learned, this truth was evident:

Without faith, it is impossible to please God. 

What that means, or at least a fraction of what that means, is that without faith, it is impossible to receive God, let alone his blessings.

A pastor explained it to me this way:

Imagine you had a house with many rooms and Jesus knocked on the door, asking to come in. At first, you decline but then you change your mind. You tell Jesus He can only enter the rooms in the west wing. Jesus shakes His head no, saying He won’t come in until He has access to all the rooms in the house. You barter with Jesus for awhile until you finally surrender and give Him access to the whole house. When He comes in, the house is overwhelmed by the light in every room.

In the book of Isaiah, the Israelites missed out on the blessings of God because they were unwilling to fully receive Him.

Your faith can be the size of a mustard seed but it needs to be there. My friend was right in saying that I couldn’t earn the gift of marriage but the belief that I should be passive in waiting for that gift is unbiblical.

God wasn’t telling me to earn marriage; He was saying I have a gift for you but until you receive Me for Me, I have to withhold this good thing from you, for your sake.

I made this mad rush towards God but for all the wrong reasons. It was not until I sought out Him for Him that things started to turn around. My problems didn’t go away. God just started to open all the right doors for me to get out of my mess.

It’s a new year. I’m ready.

me

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