Choice

I've always wanted the choice taken away from me. I don't want to pick my job. Where I live. My husband. I want God to remove all options from me so I don't have to choose. I thought I was being holy. I thought I was being wise. Isn't it full surrender to release any … Continue reading Choice

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A Therapy Session

Can we talk about something? I asked my therapist one Thursday afternoon. Sure, he responded. I started hearing a voice telling me that I'm going to marry someone who has a girlfriend. I've never talked to him, never interacted with him. I'm really frustrated with this voice. Here's the problem: I have feelings for someone … Continue reading A Therapy Session

Just be.

I sat in my car before my job interview, on the phone with a friend. I think he likes me. I’m not sure. I kind of feel like I should talk to him about it. I could hear her shaking her head. Emily, just be. If he likes you, just let him pursue things. You … Continue reading Just be.

Prayers

I don’t talk about Ben much these days. I think I’ve moved on past that time in my life but then something will happen and I’ll be brought back to being 21 and in love with one of my favorite people. When I met Ben, he was trying to win back his ex-girlfriend. He wouldn’t … Continue reading Prayers

Whisper.

Someone told me once when I first diagnosed to not always believe everything my brain is telling me. It was probably one of the wisest pieces of advice I had received, I got into a discussion earlier this week over the topic of signs from God. I'm not a fan of this concept. Truthfully, I … Continue reading Whisper.

First choice

I lay in bed all day. I cannot eat. I cannot watch TV. I avoid social media at all costs. It is May 7, 2016. The day he is getting married. I don't love him but my heart aches with a pain I cannot understand. I imagine the venue, the people, his suit, her dress. … Continue reading First choice

Mistakes

I was sitting in my therapist's office, explaining to him why I push. I'm an advocate. I told him, as if that explained everything. And advocates are results-oriented. He responded. Yes!! Absolutely!!! I want to know that what I do has an effect. He smiled at me. But results aren't in your control. That's God's … Continue reading Mistakes