I lay in bed all day. I cannot eat. I cannot watch TV. I avoid social media at all costs. It is May 7, 2016. The day he is getting married. I don't love him but my heart aches with a pain I cannot understand. I imagine the venue, the people, his suit, her dress. … Continue reading First choice
So I couldn't get out of bed yesterday. I wasn't depressed. I was overwhelmed with so much joy that I couldn't contain it all. I had spent the day before dancing in public. Dancing at the office. Dancing in the checkout line at the movie theater. Today, I want to run. My legs literally hurt … Continue reading Dancing
I never talk about Wally. I think it’s because I really didn’t understand what had happened or why I was the way I was. Looking back, this was right around the time I started getting sick. My brain was making connections to things it shouldn’t. It started with a dating site a friend had encouraged … Continue reading Why I’m grateful for the zookeeper
I was sitting in my therapist's office, explaining to him why I push. I'm an advocate. I told him, as if that explained everything. And advocates are results-oriented. He responded. Yes!! Absolutely!!! I want to know that what I do has an effect. He smiled at me. But results aren't in your control. That's God's … Continue reading Mistakes
I laid in bed late last night, unable to sleep. I was thinking about Holy Saturday. I know we celebrate Good Friday and Easter Sunday but we don't really talk about Holy Saturday. We don't talk about the day all seemed lost. *** A pastor's wife told me that she could see that one day, … Continue reading Reclaiming myself on Easter Sunday
I used to go to this church where the pastor talked about how each of us reflects aspects of God's character more vividly than others. We all know that person that is so full of grace and forgiveness. There's the person who cultivates community better than others. A mother who nutures the people around her. … Continue reading Reflecting God
About a month ago, I made a decision to shave my head. It had been a slow progression towards this decision. A few weeks before I went into the hospital, I had my hair shaved into a a long mohawk. I had hair down past my shoulders. I spent every other day blowing it out. … Continue reading Beautiful.
You know what I rarely talk about? My sin. The things I've done in my past. I think it's because I'm scared of being judged. Here's go nothing. I'm a homewrecker. No, I've never tried to steal a woman's husband but I have absolutely tried to steal a girl's boyfriend. I've done this exactly twice … Continue reading I walk down a different street.
It's no secret I have schizophrenia. I'm not shy about talking about it. Somehow, I think the more I talk about it, the less stigma there is. What I don't talk about very often is getting kicked out of a church. You see, in my psychosis, I had this belief that I was going to … Continue reading Emily and the Gospel of Reconciliation
I'm going through Ephesians with my community group. For the bible enthusiast, Ephesians is the book on marriage. For a few years, marriage was my biggest obsession. It was all I thought of, all I wanted. Every guy I was attracted to held the potential for marriage. I dated obsessively and every rejection felt like … Continue reading Marriage.
Many of my readers know me personally. Many do not. For those of you who know me, you would probably describe me as someone who does a lot of stuff. You would be correct. I'm one of those people that does a lot of different activities but never really finishes anything. Towards the end of … Continue reading Hustle.
My friend and I decided that we wanted to see the glory of God more often. So we did what any red-blooded Christian does: we prayed. We saw nothing. We experienced nothing. We didn't know what was wrong. Like I said earlier, I've been reading through the Psalms. Today, I stumbled across Psalm 19. The … Continue reading Wait.