I lay in bed all day. I cannot eat. I cannot watch TV. I avoid social media at all costs. It is May 7, 2016. The day he is getting married. I don't love him but my heart aches with a pain I cannot understand. I imagine the venue, the people, his suit, her dress. … Continue reading First choice
I never talk about Wally. I think it’s because I really didn’t understand what had happened or why I was the way I was. Looking back, this was right around the time I started getting sick. My brain was making connections to things it shouldn’t. It started with a dating site a friend had encouraged … Continue reading Why I’m grateful for the zookeeper
I was sitting in my therapist's office, explaining to him why I push. I'm an advocate. I told him, as if that explained everything. And advocates are results-oriented. He responded. Yes!! Absolutely!!! I want to know that what I do has an effect. He smiled at me. But results aren't in your control. That's God's … Continue reading Mistakes
I laid in bed late last night, unable to sleep. I was thinking about Holy Saturday. I know we celebrate Good Friday and Easter Sunday but we don't really talk about Holy Saturday. We don't talk about the day all seemed lost. *** A pastor's wife told me that she could see that one day, … Continue reading Reclaiming myself on Easter Sunday
About a month ago, I made a decision to shave my head. It had been a slow progression towards this decision. A few weeks before I went into the hospital, I had my hair shaved into a a long mohawk. I had hair down past my shoulders. I spent every other day blowing it out. … Continue reading Beautiful.
You know what I rarely talk about? My sin. The things I've done in my past. I think it's because I'm scared of being judged. Here's go nothing. I'm a homewrecker. No, I've never tried to steal a woman's husband but I have absolutely tried to steal a girl's boyfriend. I've done this exactly twice … Continue reading I walk down a different street.
It's no secret I have schizophrenia. I'm not shy about talking about it. Somehow, I think the more I talk about it, the less stigma there is. What I don't talk about very often is getting kicked out of a church. You see, in my psychosis, I had this belief that I was going to … Continue reading Emily and the Gospel of Reconciliation
So I'm still waiting on finding out if I have breast cancer or not but in the meantime, it's been interesting to see what things have come up for me. Of all my biggest regrets, it's been my dating life. I've had one relationship that lasted eight months but the rest have been a series … Continue reading The First Kiss
When my sister and I were young, we fought all the time. Between groundings and spankings, nothing seemed to work. My mom decided that she would try a different method. She separated us and had us write nice things about one another. Apologizing has never been easy for me. I'm pretty prideful and carry a … Continue reading Saying Sorry
Recently, I was talking with a friend about old loves and moving on. It's interesting. I'm in a season where I'm getting renewed clarity about my life, primarily when it comes to men. It's like a vase that has broken and as I'm picking up the pieces of glass, I notice where the cuts are, … Continue reading Easy.
I don't know about you but from time to time, I get these moments where I captivated by the Holy Spirit over something that apparently needs to be addressed. It usually comes out of nowhere. I usually cry. I move on. I should backtrack. For eight years, I had massive feelings for a friend. About … Continue reading Dear John
So I've been working through some significant church wounds and last night, I was hit with an old memory. Most people know that I'm the type of girl that makes the first move. I've always tried to make it really easy for the guy. I can handle a gentle no. Rejection is a part of life. What … Continue reading That one time.